EMBRACE - Relationship Coaching
Supporting couples to soften back into each other, say how they really feel and bring back more joy and intimacy into their relationship. (I know that may feel pretty impossible right now but it can feel different again).
I "know" that you love each other (well you think you know) but the way you "feel" right now doesn't feel like love and you are just not sure how to get it back?
So I am assuming if you are here then there maybe some parts of your relationship that are feeling heavier than you would like them to.
I know that can feel really frikin' hard.
Can you remember when you first met your partner, right back in the beginning? Remember how you would find yourself smiling just thinking about the things they would do and say and how you knew that there was no way things would ever feel "broken" because this time it was different.
But it wasn't, right? Because over time you were both still really human and all this "STUFF" has come between you. And the "stuff" keeps building up and it feels heavy and painful to carry (especially if you feel like you are doing it alone).
You know the love was once there but it's hard to know where it has gone some days, but you are READY to get it back.
So take a breath and know that it can be different than how it feels right now but you are going to have to make a commitment to YOURSELF to get there.
Yes you and your partner are going to have to CHOOSE yourselves so you can start choosing each other again.
Don't panic this isn't going to mean "more" work for you it is actually going to be lighter.
Ok so I am not going to sugar coat this. I often see two kinds of relationships. The first one is where both parties know that things aren't great and one person (almost always the woman) is pushing for coaching and the other person is not really keen but also knows things need to change. SOOOOO even though they are scared shitless of both "investing the money AND working with a coach" they agree. (This person will also be the one who will get on a FREE connection call with me and be apprehensive but show up anyway).
Then the second relationship is where the woman is unhappy and just knows in her heart that things could be different but that she can't do much more on her own. She yearns for her partner to jump on board as she really misses him. Yes, she loves him but she is tired of carrying the "emotional load" and because he doesn't "want to do the work" with anyone he CAN NOT see where the problems are. He struggles with vulnerability and won't take the FREE connection call because "there is no point, we don't have a problem".
If you know you are in the second relationship it's ok, it can be different babe BUT you are going to have to start speaking up more. The reason your partner doesn't see the problems is because you keep minimizing them because speaking up and making him " feel bad" or "angry" is so uncomfortable for you.
Often men think I am not going to be in their corner. They often feel like I think they are "in the wrong" so they avoid stepping in.
The thing is, that actually couldn't be further from the truth and once we have the "connection" call and they see that I call you out on your bullshit just as much as him (if not more sometimes) he actually gets this feeling of excitement and hope because he is also missing his partner and lover.
Relationships are hard when you have never being taught how to be in one. And I mean really be in one. A healthy relationship is created by TWO PEOPLE who are willing to work on their own shit and baggage that they are carrying.
What has happened in your past and your childhood ABSOLUTELY is playing a part in your relationship, not only with your partner but also with your children.
So often the conflict, disconnect and anxiety that we experience in relationships are from unmet needs from our childhood and without either of you realizing it you have made it the other person's responsibility to fill them, and it just doesn't work.
Men this is from my heart to yours.
I know you are nervous to begin, (but you don't want to say you are). You might even think this is all a load of shit, what is even wrong with your marriage? But that's not the right question. The question I want you to ask yourself is "what if it could be even better than it is now, what would that look and feel like"?
What if when you put your hand on you partners waist and she felt so connected to you again she didn't pull away. You heard her singing in the kitchen like she used to. It feels like there is so much less tension in the home and you can just see she has her light back again. You know the light you saw in her when you first met.
She loves you, my god she loves you, that's why she is being loud about this. She isn't picking on you, she is FIGHTING for you, she is trying to bring the actual physical feeling of love back to your relationship.
But she is tired and I am sure you are too.
She doesn't want to lead this part any longer. She wants YOU by her side. (and I know you think you are there but she wouldn't be asking you to read this if you were).
I promise you I am on your side. I want it for you just as much as I want it for her and I have so much respect for you because I KNOW this is BIG work and the "not knowing" what I am going to ask you to talk about is wigging you out. BUT I also know if you have read this far that you want it to be different too, BUT you are going have to find a way to let me in.
I'm ready to learn
Doing the relationship coaching with Jarna is the best thing I have ever done. We are so much happier and are able to work through our problems and are a lot more in tune with each other. As a bloke it was a bit hard for me to admit to having any problems with the relationship and investing that much money but looking back I am so grateful for doing it because life just got a whole lot better. Thanks Jarna!! You’re very good at what you do!!
~Matt
Does life get messy on this journey?
Haha yep it sure does.
Yes this work can feel messy and overwhelming at times and that's ok. When your confronting big painful things that you have been holding onto for years it can feel really challenging.
BUT
On the other side of the discomfort is connection and intimacy (in - to - me - see) that you may not have felt in a really long time.
It gets messy because you are finally talking about things that you have stayed silent on for way too long.
You know those "things" that feel like they will bring so much conflict so you avoid them at all costs. Or the "stuff" that feels way to vulnerable to say out loud so you say anything at all because you were never shown what "Healthy Communication" actually looks like.
Who modelled a healthy loving relationship to you? Who showed you how to be, give AND receive love?
Who taught you about the balance of the Masculine + Feminine and how that this is what every relationship is built on.
Who showed you how to make yourself a priority and meet your own needs so you stop making it your partner's responsibility?
Men, who showed you how to hold the "rage" a woman brings to you without feeling like you are being attacked or criticized? (which is actually really fear and grief).
Who showed you how to have healthy boundaries without "armouring up" to hold them?
That's right, nobody showed you. Now it is your responsibility to learn. STEP IN to choosing another way.
After doing 2 rounds of Tender with Jarna I could feel a massive shift in the way I saw myself and the world. Jarna had shone a light on some blind spots I had and bought me home back to my true self. But I could feel a gap growing between me and my partner, and the more growth I had, the bigger it got.
Because of the tools Jarna has given me, I was able to gently guide my husband to stepping in and working with Jarna too. He was apprehensive at first, but he could see what I saw, he could see my growth and he wanted to be part of what I was learning too.
Jarna has been incredible in bringing back our spark and connection. Our sessions with Jarna have always been a really safe place for us to express our feelings and problems.
Jarna has this knack of decoding the ‘real issue’ behind some of our arguments or communication issues.
I feel understood again, like he can really see me. We are both so much more on the same page now with our relationship and our life goals.
We are a team again, and even though life happens and we still have our tough moments, we are able to get back on track quickly with the new awareness we have gained from Jarna. It has been the greatest thing we have done for our relationship and for our children.
~Kelly
